Friday 8 May 2009

The Half-Parent

Firstly, a big thank you to the lovely Julia for seeing this book in an op-shop and buying it for me. The fact that Julia is a close friend of Z's mum makes the gesture feel particularly thoughtful.

In my quest to read as much as I can about stepparenting I thought I would give this book a go, though my hopes were not too high. This book was first published in 1975, when I was just a year old. I thought it would be dated and boring and have cobwebs between the paragraphs.

Boy oh boy was I mistaken! Maddox was a journalist before she became a stepmother, so her research is empirical and her writing style is a perfect balance of objective editorial and engaged parental enquiry.

One of the many interesting things I learned (from page 35):
In English and American usage for about four hundred years, from 1440 until at least mid-nineteenth century, the term "mother-in-law" was often used to refer to a stepmother. Although such a meaning is now regarded as incorrect, it made literal sense. A stepmother was a mother "in law", that is, in canon law, by the fact of her marriage to a child's father.
Do I feel like I am half a parent to Z? No. Even though he lives with us for half the week, I still feel like his parent for all seven days, just as I'm sure his mum does.

Recently while we were in an op-shop, PJ found another copy of Maddox's book. I bought it to lend out to people, which I have already started doing, and so I could take this photo.

A half + a half = a whole, right?

3 comments:

Midwives For President; said...

Happy Mother's Day Meg.
some people need to give birth to feel the fierce kind of love for their kids that you do. So your love is much more a testament to who you are- beautiful/artful woman.

Meg said...

Thank you so much, MFP.

What a beautiful comment.

And a happy Mother's Day to you, of course, ye of the lion-hearted. xx

Anonymous said...

there's something a little strange about your mothering obsession. what are the other reasons for this pursuit other than your own reason to feel complete? I don't see any mention of the child or the other mother's point of view as part of your studies into being a half parent.