Friday, 6 November 2009

I'm Sorry, Lauren

I'm sorry that we killed you, Lauren James. I'm sorry that we forced you to have liposuction on your legs and bottom when you were only 26.

When I read in the paper that you died three days after the elective surgery, I blamed you and thought you foolish. Then I blamed your parents. Then I blamed your surgeon. Then I blamed your boyfriend for not telling you often enough how beautiful he thought you were. And then I realised who really is at fault.

At first I couldn't understand why you did it when you weighed 65kg and were 169cm tall, but it doesn't really matter does it, how much you weigh or where exactly you sit on the body mass index.

You had your breasts enlarged when you were 21. Although that surgery didn't kill you, I'm sorry we made you do that to yourself as well. We told you you'd be happy. We told you you'd feel fulfilled when you looked in the mirror and saw what we'd created. We didn't lie to you. We weren't trying to fool you. We love you! And we thought that what we love and value is what you could love and value as well.

9 comments:

My Love is..... said...

I have been thinking alot about the harshness of society lately (must be the hormones!!). Thanx for this post you hit the nail right on the head.

Another Outspoken Female said...

I came to the same conclusion when I read her tragic story. Her BMI was normal. She was sick. Not fat.

Body dysmorphia is a hard thing to fathom.

Yes we killed her.

And thats the tragedy.

Cath from chunkychooky said...

I ahven't head of her. yep, Body dysmorphia for sure- very underdiagnosed and probably insanely common in any plastic surgeons waiting room... not screened for at all by many surgeons I could imagine. Very sad.

Leonie Guld said...

Oh god, thats just so sad!!! I am sure there are many words to diagnose her but in the end it is....devastating..x

Dear Little Bird said...

so well put, meg. that is such a sad story.

Nicola said...

Thanks Meg. Your words really moved me this morning.

farmdoc said...

A very poignant and heart-felt post, Meg. Society (whoever that is, but probably the media at large) has a lot to answer for. xx

Rebel Mom said...

Hi Meg,

This was a very saddening life-loss/post. I'm a new reader (stumbled into your blog today doing research on the post-thirty mind) and, sadly, women are torturing themselves to fit an ideal created to distract us, while making our economic and social value dependent on sexuality. I've been reading Naomi Wolf's book, "The Beauty Myth", which has alot to say on the subject.

Anonymous said...

One question:

The parent(s) who could have created a buffer against the strange, damaging values of society, and help instil a sense of self-worth within Lauren... where where they during the most important years of her life? What messages were they giving (or not giving) her?