Tuesday, 7 October 2008

With Decorum

For my birthday I asked my sisters for a totem tennis. It sits in our garden and gets a beating when Z has a friend over or when I am feeling angry. 

Sometimes I feel very very angry. Are you surprised? Why is it that anger is not something we talk about easily? And why is that I don't know many people who are very good at being angry? (Does that say more about the people I hang out with or more about people in general?)

While we were in Newcastle, we went to hear a panel on which there was a woman whose paper absolutely and utterly infuriated me. Still when I think about it now, I feel my cheeks darken. And during question time I told her, then challenged her with a question she answered with indifference.

Afterwards I felt terrible. Even though I had acted according to my own integrity, I felt as though my anger was not in the spirit of the day. And then I was angry at myself for not knowing how to be angry.

PJ is the first boyfriend I have had where I have not felt as though a squabble will culminate in a break up. And as a result, I feel more competent with my anger. But fighting with a sibling or a lover is easier than expressing anger towards a stranger with decorum.


(text)ure and (me)aning said...

Yeah I'm hearing you.
I cant tell you how many times
I have lost it or held back from losing it,
in a tute.
Or (...very bad) at work, once over sardines or the lack there of.
For a while I thought the anger had gone with age, but you know what, It hadnt.....

Totem Tennis should be up everywhere...

Meg said...

have you ever been to meredith music festival? each year they have a sports field with dozens and dozens of totem tennis sets. the best!